Eating and Food Policing in Advertizing

Yanno whats been bugging me for the longest time now?  How women are allowed to eat on tv commercials. To wit, TEENY TINY BITES. BITES SO TINY AS TO PRACTICALLY BE MUNCHING ON AIR. WITH A GODDAMN HAPPY SMILE ON THE FACE.

Who eats this way? Seriously?

I don’t ever see a man eating food this way on tv.  No; pizza, burgers, whatever–its being shoved into a wide open, anticipating maw.  I guess such rapacious enjoyment of food is too UNSEEMLY for women.

Has anyone else noticed this?

NOM NOM NOM

So, there I was on Meetup.com, minding my own business, browsing and looking for interesting things to do in the area. Wondering if there were any fatty meetup groups around, I typed up “fat” in the search box, and hit #1 was a HAES group (HOORAY!) but hit #2 was a “fitness and activity group to stay FOREVER YOUNG” and the description pulled no fat-hating punches! Check this out! (trigger warning for ridonkilous fat hating spew):

…Oh I forgot, i don’t list restaurant events that tend to draw people with Big Guts and Fat Butts that find walking-hiking or any other physical activity a burden either so you can rest assured none of them will eat you alive if they are hungry. We are people that enjoy doing things as a SMALL close group at a variety of places and activities with the goal to keep things SIMPLE, generally CLOSE in travel distance, INEXPENSIVE, ENJOYABLE..

(emphasis mine)

YOU GUYS!! I KNOW!!

At first I was offended, because come ON, it takes more than just being hungry to make me eat people, amirite? Then after a few minutes, I just couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous an image that is, and my writer’s mind (being presently busy with writing a sword & sorcery type fantasy epic) came up with the following satirical nursery rhyme on the spot.

FEE FIE FOE FUM

I’M A FAT LAZY BUM

HATE TO WALK HATE TO RUN

BRING ME SKINNIES ON A BUN

 

 

DONUT!

In my other life, I am a jeweler. I have a BFA in studio arts and my particular emphasis and passion is in jewelery design and fabrication. At this point in my life, though, I don’t have the resources to realize my visions, so I spend most of my jeweler energies designing and ogling other people’s creations. The other day I came across this fabulous gallery based in San Fransisco, Velvet da Vinci, and spent over an hour or two admiring the work in the gallery images.

And then….

I found the images of Lynn Christiansen’s 2009 show “Maybe Just One More” and saw so many beautiful pieces, but one image stood out to me as the most hilarious and possibly most subversive piece in the entire collection–subversive in the sense that if a Fatty McFatty Fat like me wore it in PUBLIC, it would be like I were taking PRIDE in my fatness and in the horribly sinful JUNK that made me so obscenely disgusting! Wearing a DONUT BRACELET?! Why, that would be THUMBING ONE’S NOSE AT ALL THE SELF-HATRED AND FOOD MORALIZING WITH WHICH ALL FATTIES MUST FLAGELLATE THEMSELVES!

I want this bracelet.

I can only imagine that looks I would get if I wore it out and about. I would just laugh and laugh and laugh.

No Turning Back from the Dark Side.

I have just engaged in my first act of overt FA activism.

This is a big deal for me. Even though I have been in FA for nearly three nears now or so,  I haven’t actually ever had the courage to fight back against the standard narrative.  I’m not a confrontational sort and Im not one to present myself as an expert when I cant back myself up. Instead, I’ve spent the last three years quietly absorbing everybody’s words; every linked study, every argument made, and every myth busted.  When it came to being an activist, I simply refused to be a part of the normal dialouge.  If someone wanted to talk about her diet, I simply put on my deaf face (blankey mcdead eyes) and said variations of “thats nice”.  If someone wanted to snark on her body, I simply expressed my disagreement, and changed the topic or walked away.  If someone attempted to moralize food, praise or judge my food, I simply said “I dont beleive in diets–food is food” and ate whatever I was eating, often looking at whomever annoyed me right in the eyes. That usually shut them up.  (The one thing I have still not yet figured out how to handle is when someone says “I lost X pounds this week!” I don’t want to reward that statement with praise, but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by dismissing them either. Right now, I just say “Thats nice.”)

Until today that was the extent of the activism I have been comfortable with.

Today though, a facebook friend of mine, who is VERY new to the whole FA concept after a lifetime of fighting with her body, and only recently resolved to stop dieting, learned from her doctor that her fasting blood sugar is 135, and is back on medifast.  I nearly flipped. Instead I posted on my wall a link to “You Did Not Eat Your Way to Diabetes! and then I did something I hadnt done before; I started evangelizing, and y’all it FELT GREAT!

I dunno where this stuff came from or how I even remembered where to look for the stats I needed (thanks should probably go to Notblueatall for refreshing much of my memory with her post today) but because of everything I’ve learned through three years of reading FA blogs, I was able to tell my friend why she shouldn’t ever feel bad for getting diabetes:

NO NO NO, dont ever blame yourself for it! even the American Diabetes Association says you cannot eat your way to diabetes. http://www.diabetes.org/diabetes-basics/diabetes-myths/

A relevant quote: “Most overweight people never develop type 2 diabetes, and many people with type 2 diabetes are at a normal weight or only moderately overweight. “

Weight gain is only moderately correlated to diabetes, it is NOT a cause, but more likely to be a SYMPTOM of long term metabolic disorders. Only 18% of fat people have diabetes and (from webmd) “Of people with diabetes, 21.1% were obese, 9.8% overweight, 5% normal weight, and 4.2% underweight.”

Dont EVER let a doctor tell you that your eating caused your possible diabetes. Doctors are fat-phobes and brainwashed by big pharma. As for treating your blood sugar, all you need to do is moderate your carbs and exercize everyday. Improvements in health metrics resulting from weight loss alone are temporary–studies show that exercize is itself an effective regulator, and works long term regardless of weight. I’ll see if I can find the sources.

 

I’ve never been this “Activist” before, but Im glad I did, because now my friend is reading Kate Harding’s FAQ,  and doesnt sound like she hates herself for having high blood sugar–a state she admits runs in both sides of her family.  PEOPLE, DONT BLAME YOURSELF FOR YOUR GENETICS, COME ON NOW.

Do I feel ready to be more activist-y in the “real world”?  I  dunno, but I do feel ready to start rehearsing for it. And thats quite a thing to imagine–ME telling folks what’s what?

Shit, son.

Just A Number

So, I’ve been gaining weight for a while, ever since I broke up with my ex Valentines Day 2009. It is only natural that I should gain, since before the breakup, I had been depressed and stressed and didn’t eat and lost some weight. Then after we split, I became a whole lot less active, but started to eat again, so I got bigger. I could tell because my clothes got tight, and I had to shop for new pants and bras twice. It seems to have leveled off now. I must confess that I really hope I have leveled off and stopped gaining because a) I’m sick of shopping for pants and bras, y’all and b) I am a couple pounds shy of the Big 200.

Yeah, I weighed myself. Went to a naturopath appointment, way back in January, and out of some morbid curiosity regarding the fatness of my body, stepped on the scale. I really wish I hadn’t weighed myself, because when I saw “197″ I had an OMGNOT200!DOOOOOOM! moment.

But why? Why is that number so horrible? Its just a number: whether I weigh 199 pounds or 201 doesn’t change me, or any of us, as human beings. Even if our culture does decree that it shall be the Magic Cutoff of Worth(TM). Too many women subscribe to it, like Oprah, and I don’t want to be one of them.

So, since Janurary, I’ve been telling myself that 200 is just a number and that it does not really reflect my actual shape and size and WORTH of my body and myself. It does not make me any less desirable–in fact, while it lowers my attractiveness for some men, it raises it for others, and for the men I ultimately wish to meet and date, it has no bearing whatsoever. And I believe that, seriously, but gaining all that weight still bummed me out, because, yo, shrinking clothes suck.

Yet even with all that internal pep-talking, and the reinforcing I got from y’all, the Fatosphere, I still felt like crap. Of course, I had been feeling like crap for a long time, since before my ex and I split. I thought it was due to my several food intolerances, diagnosed just this October. Eliminating gluten and caffeine from my diet has done tremendous amounts of wonders for my sense of health and well-being. But even though I slept better and lived better (not dealing with painful abdominal cramping and diarrhea after EVERY goddamned meal) I still felt like crap. My energy levels went up, and my mental stability improved, but I still felt sluggish, weak, bloated, out-of-breath, tired, irritable, impatient, and flat out ugly and undesirable. In short, I felt “FAT”. (I use this phrase not to comdemn fatness, but because it is the term so many American women–maybe even other english-speaking women and men?–use to describe their discomfort with their bodies.)

I refuse to diet, in any form. They don’t work long-term and instead just make you hungry and angry and stressed and self-hating, and then you start yo-yoing and shit. I just refuse to go down that road. Hell, my diet is restricted enough as it is, being gluten-intolerant. In fact, I refuse to get sucked into the whole wish-fullfillment trap of the Fantasy of Being Thin, and I have rebelliously denied that fantasy by eating whatever the fuck I wanted, when I wanted. But that hasn’t made my crappy-body feelings go away.

Then a couple months ago, it came to me. I need to move, be active. I used to hike and walk a lot, before the ex and I went splitsville. And my healthier diet and better sleeping habits expanded my energy reserves. But I haven’t been active at all since the breakup. I just work, eat, read, and sleep.

So, I joined a gym.

I hate gyms. I hate machines and the whole thin=fit culture rampant in gyms. But this gym is the regional YMCA. Its got a POOL. Two, in fact. Most gyms in this area of the country just don’t have pools (don’t ask me why, cuz I sure don’t know). I love, love, LOVE to swim, and hadn’t been swimming since I moved out here. And since the whole tenet of HAES is to find activities one loves to do, I opted to join the Y.

I’ve gone 3 times since joining on the 1st. And, y’all, I’m so glad I did this. Swimming makes me feel euphoric and relaxed, calm and tired, and at peace with the cold cruel world. It makes me feel strong. And since I’m not focused on BEING SKINNY, I can actually enjoy feeling my body glide through the water. I can enjoy the bubbling hot tub. I can meditate in the steam room. I can watch the Zumba chicks dance and say “that looks fun, I will try that next week.” And best of all, I can climb on the locker room scale, see the numbers say “197″ and NOT GIVE A FUCK, cuz, y’all I feel great! 200 really IS just a number. Whether I am above or below that “magic cuttoff of worth”, I”m still me. I’m still here. Am I still fat? Hell, yeah. Do I still “feel FAT”? Hell, no. And that’s all anyone, thin or fat, can ask for; our worth and our ability to feel good and be worthy, does not depend on some damn number.

Thoughts on the ABC vs Lane Bryant Ad

The big news this week is the apparent fat phobia of ABC execs in denying a Lane Bryant lingerie ad from airing during prime time hours along with Victoria’s Secret’s “Naked” advertising.

Except, I’m not so sure that fat phobia is at play here. It seems to me to be primarily a case of patriarchal normativism.

Let me explain. In the LB ad we see a curvy girl in figure-enhancing lingerie making a date on her phone, then admiring herself in the mirror, and walking out the door clad only in a trench coat. The implication being that this woman is heading out for some hot sexytimes–and is very much looking forward to it. And her paramour has no idea what’s coming to him. Oh la la! Viva la fat femme!

This is a woman who owns her body and her sex. She is not meek–she is sexually confident and assertive. She does not wait, like the Vicky’s models, passively and winsomely, for her lover to come and satisfy himself on her. No, instead she goes out knowing exactly what she wants and with no doubt that she is going to get it.

Well, that just simply isn’t “proper!”

This is still a patriarchal culture, and women are supposed to be passive objects for male sexual consumption, not active consumers themselves. Any woman who is sexually aggressive is considered “bad”–slutty, mean, promiscuous, man-eating, deceptive, and evil. Consider the characters in movies and TV that are sexually dominant women: the vast majority are portrayed invariably as Villains. The Damsel’s nemesis, or the Hero’s weakness, who must be overcome.

In the context of the LB ad, the sexually dominant attitude of the character adds the element of the taboo to her nakedness–magnifying her sexual presence tenfold. In contrast, the gyrating sirens of Victoria’s Secret are nearly invisible in their adherence to female norms.

The fat phobia here is incidental–a symptom of normativity. A person who is evidentially “normal” has more leeway to engage in non-approved behaviors than one who is not “normal”. It is remarked upon, but it is not threatening. Much like rich white suburban white boys dressing and acting like poor urban black youths. Non-threatening people engaging in “bad” behavior are eccentric–whereas Abnormal, threatening people engaging in the same behaviors are labeled deviant, and are in need of immediate correction. Or censorship.

So, the “problem” with the Lane Bryant ad is not merely that of a “fat girl” showing off, but its of “fat” girl engaging in “deviant” behavior. That’s just not allowed, because why then, “normal” girls might get ideas!

Well, If You Ask ME!

I stumbled across this “Dear Annie” bit while reading the fluff section of my local paper. (Online source is here. As always, Sanity Watchers Points required due to douchebag comments!)

Dear Annie: I have a 12-year-old son who is grossly overweight, as is my wife. I’m worried that my son will become an obese adult. My wife blames her obesity on her childhood and believes if we say anything to our son about his weight, it will only carve it into stone. But it seems not saying anything might be just as bad. My wife’s brothers were chubby until they became teenagers and then thinned out. But everyone in my family grew up fat and stayed fat. My son is sensitive, so I don’t want to say anything that would make him feel like less of a person. What do I do? — Worried Dad

If it were me tasked with doling out advice, this is what I would say:

“Dear Dad:
I commend you for respecting your son’s sensitivity, as well as wanting him to be healthy, but you worry overmuch about your son’s weight. As a matter of fact, people’s health have very little to do with weight. There are lots of fat people who are healthy and live long lives, and just as many thin people who are short-lived and ill.

Moreover your son is only 12 years old. He is about to start–or is starting–puberty, and he will need a lot of excess weight to convert into the muscles, bones, brain, and organs of his genetically-determined adult body. If that body is meant to be fat, nothing you can do will change that. Your task as a parent is to encourage your child to eat nutritous foods, to enjoy being active, and to provide guidance and encouragement as he navigates the tricky path of puberty and adolescence. It is not your job to force your son’s body to fit into some arbitrary social mold.

In fact, it sounds as if in writing this letter you are loooking for permission to circumvent your wife’s wishes so that you may shame your son thin and force him into a mold that is more pleasing to your eyes.

Using the term “grossly overweight” implies that your son disgusts you. It is a very judgmental perception. It is not the basis of a healthy relationship with your son, and will not lay the foundation of the healthy man you say want your son to become.

Don’t project your own loathings and insecurities onto your child.

Listen to your wife. Don’t shame your son. It won’t make him thin. Forcing him to do exercizes he does not like and to eat foods that won’t satisfy his growing body’s natural need for high-energy foods is just another way to shame him. It would feel like torture, and your son will know why you are torturing him: because he’s too fat to be accepted by you. That won’t make him thin.

Just be a parent who loves him. Nurture his body and encourage him to test his limits, but don’t force him into a mold you think he should fit into.”

But is that what Annie says? Of COURSE not. Instead she trots out the tired “eat less, move more, be a healthy family!” tropes, and makes a asston of bigoted assumptions to justify it. Let’s break it down, shall we?

Dear Dad: Your son’s biggest problem is the fact that both of his parents have weight issues.

–No Annie, his son’s biggest problem is that Dad is being a judgmental ass. And the only person who has a problem here is Dad.–

The most effective way to help your son is to model healthy behavior. Get rid of the junk.

–Way to make assumptions based on stereotypes! You’re assuming a lot here. You think you know exactly WHY this family is fat. You hear “obese” and automatically make the leap–which is completely unfounded–that this family eats primarily “junk” food. You have no evidence that this is the case. There could be medical issues. There could be disabilities. At the very least its obvious there is a genetic component. Whatever is the case, YOU DONT KNOW WHY ANYONE IN THAT FAMILY IS FAT! YOU DONT KNOW HOW THEY LIVE.–

Cook nutritious meals with lots of fresh vegetables. Have fruit available to snack on. Eat the way you want your son to eat.

–How CLASSIST of you. You assume they have access, money, and time to fresh “healthy” foods. Wiithout getting into the whole morass of the class issues of food availability here, how DARE you assume they don’t eat fresh, nutritious foods?–

Then take him with you for bike rides, neighborhood runs, basketball games and softball practice.

–Once again with the classist assumptions! You assume they live in an open, safe, and spacious neighborhood, and enjoy sufficent leisure time and money to indulge in what are really activities of luxury. You don’t know where they live, what their family schedules are like, how much money they make. Furthermore, how DARE you assume that this family, or the son in particular, aren’t already active?–

You will teach your son the good habits he will need for the rest of his life — and improve your own health in the process.

Way to subtly call Dad here a fatty fat fat, Annie. Way to reinforce his own internalized fat-hate. What a masterful display of fat shaming! Bravo, Annie, Just bravo!

The “naturally thin” double standard.

Before I get into the meat of this post, a quick Torrid update. Joy from Torrid contacted me at the end of the day of my rant and basically apologized for my troubles, explaining why they had the policy they did, and assuring me that they will rewrite their system to make it easier for deafies in the future.

They also offered to send me my order with free express shipping. I declined and bought a Crockpot from Target instead. I currently have a chicken cooking at home as I work. I’m so excited about my first crockpot chicken!

Ahem.
So, today I was reading an actual printed newspaper (made on real wood pulp!) while on break, and came across an article entitled “Naturally Thin People have Life Challenges Too”
It was an…interesting bit of writing. I found an online copy here.

Overall, it wasn’t a bad article. A lot was said about how you can’t judge a person’s health by his or her size, that weight is more than what we do or eat, and that genes and metabolism have much to do with it, and that talking to people about their weight or appearance is rude, and probably damaging.

While genetics and ethnicity play major roles, there is no one-size-fits-all reason why some people are slim and remain so without really trying, says Kaiser Permanente registered dietitian Nora Norback.

Bottom line: Don’t judge a body by weight, because it’s not about numbers. “It’s about health,” Norback says. “Healthy people do come in different shapes and sizes, but at the extreme ends, we certainly see more health problems. We make a lot of our judgments on how a person looks. But you shouldn’t assume that someone is unhealthy if they’re really thin.”

To rule out eating disorders, Norback looks at a variety of factors beyond the scale, including body image, diet and malnutrition, hydration status and exercise frequency. Certainly, it’s important to remember that there are naturally thin people who make an effort and those who just are thin without trying a whole lot.

However, despite all this good news, I came away from it mildly miffed at the double standard that these things apply only to thin folks. For instance,

But the skinny life has its challenges. Clothes are difficult to find. And Brueheim has heard a lifetime of hurtful comments. “I’m healthy, I have a lot of energy, and yet people will say such things, like, ‘Gosh, you need to eat more.’ We’d never say such things to an overweight person,” she says.

“…never say such things to an overweight person.” The hell you say! Yeah, no one tells fatties they need to eat more, but they sure do feel free to tell fatties to lay off the chips and cookies all the time. And the actual truth of the matter is that a dieting person, fat or thin, does need to eat more.

When it come right down to it, I’m miffed at the double standard that what applies to thin folks doesn’t apply to fatties. I’m miffed that the eating habits of thin people–healthy or not– are judged morally superior to fat people’s. I’m miffed tht thin folks get the benefit of the doubt from the media, the health industry, from society. Why can’t us fatties get the same benefit?

Oh, yeah, cuz we are all greedy, overconsuming slobs hell-bent on destroying the earth with our evil fatty ways!

Boycotting Torrid

I am a big girl, and I have big ol’ calves, right? So you know that means finding boots is nearly impossible. My feet are medium 7 and my calves are 18″. I was so DELIGHTED that Torrid sells boots that fit both my feet and calves. And when my folks gave me Christmas money, I decided I wanted to spend some of it on a pair of black Britney boots from Torrid. The store in the mall didn’t have them in stock, so I went ahead and ordered them online.

Yesterday evening, I got an email to call to confirm, for security reasons, my ownership of the card I used to place my order.

Now, first off, I hate making phone calls. As a deaf person, its an incredible hassle. I have to use a third-party system called a relay service, and more often than not, its a negative experience. I’ve had people think it was a solication and hung up on me, I’ve had people lose patience with the process, I’ve had system failure and lost connections. The thing is every time I make a phone call through relay, it is always to a company or utility or agency, and it sometimes takes 3 tries to get a live person to respond to the phone so I can get actual business done.

Like I said, making phone calls is not a pleasant experience. It is always, invariably stressful.

Anyway, I digress.

I got an email from Torrid.com telling me to call to confirm my order. Immediately my blood pressure starts rising.

It only got worse. Here’s why:

Here is the transcript of the call I just had with them through the relay service.

Text in bold is the Torrid.com rep. Text in Italics is me.

IP RELAY RO80479F
PLS HD DIALING
866 867 7431
RING 1
(RECORDING)
thank you for calling torrid.com
(message in different language)
(recording to relay)
to speak with a representative regarding a new or existing order please press 1 for(pressing 1)
(HOLDING)
(music playing)
RING 1

(F) one moment i really could not hear you clearly hello qq can you hear me clearly qq

Hello yes, my name is rachel I’m calling to process my new order my order number is ############

so you would like us to place a new order using relay? one moment one moment please…

Ok

i was yeah i can see here that this order was connected for a verbal confirmation from the credit card holder but uhm since this order was verification so we need to speak to the card holder about this order and since we need to speak with the credit card holder we could not do verbal through ip through relay the customer needs xxx you need to call us she may need to call us so she can verbally confirm the order over the phone

Um hello I am DEAF. This IS my verbal confirmation. I AM the card holder

yes i do understand that ma’am but we need to speak to you directly we need you need to give us a call by yourself so you can verbally confirm the order

That is not possible because I am DEAF and cannot HEAR you.

one moment please
(HOLDING)
okay uhm the last option that we have is you may need to to call us the one the bank who issued your card for this order so they can confirm that we have the same information on the order based on your credit card information

Ok…how bout this. Can I have my friend call with me, and she help me hear your instructiuons and I speak into the phone?

i apologize but uhm we could not do that it’s either you may need to speak uhm you may need to speak to us directly about the order or the bank will call us to verify if we have the same information on the order based on your credit card information

I see. Well that’s just too much trouble you guys really need to rewrite your discriminatory policy regarding deaf people. Please cancel my order immediately. I do not want to give you my money.And please send a cancellation confirmation to my email.

i really do apologize for that one ma’am as request i’ll go aheadand cancel the order since the order didn’t check you are not charged for the order is there anything else?

No absolutely not. Thank you for help, I understand you are not to blame but I do hope you will report my extreme dissatistaction to your management. This IS discriminatory.

i do apologize ma’am that we could not really do verbal confirmation through relay the reason why we re doing verbal confirmation on an order with the card holder is to make sure that you will not be charged for fraudulent charges on your account rest assured ma’am i ll go ahead and forward your concern to my supervisor yes i do apologize ma’am but since you could not do verbal confirmation you may need to contact last option that we have

I understand, but you need to give deaf people useable options. This is not. Perhaps I will, but due to your policy I am not willing to give you money. Thank you. Have a good day.

thank you for calling have a great day

I’m sure.

(CALL ENDED)

This phone call left me pissing, hopping mad. I probably could call my bank, but I honestly don’t want to. Not just because its a major hassle, but because I shouldn’t have to. Torrid really does need to create an anti-fraud procedure that accomodates the limitations of deaf and speech-impaired customers. And because they don’t, or won’t, I refuse to give them money.

Even if they are the only damn place where I can find some goddamned boots that fit me!

25 things

Two things compel me to write this post:
The first is VH1′s Tough Love 2: Episode 3, in which the dating-impaired women are told that being sexy–defined as confident, self-assured, approachable, and comfortable in her body–is one of the most important tools in a single woman’s arsenal. Jenna, the cast member I most identify with, a formerly-fat girl with serious body-image and self-esteem issues laments: “I’ve been fat all my life. I don’t feel sexy. I don’t know how to be sexy. I have no idea what to do with myself–I’m just not sexy.” (Lord, do I know where shes coming from.) When she tries to be sexy she comes off as slutty and fake. The key to being sexy, we are told, is being sexy. It cannot be faked. Sexy is BEING confident and assured and approachable. That comes from within. Which comes from liking yourself.

So at the end of the episode, I am left wondering how we like ourselves and feel–and thus BE–sexy?

The other thing that prompts this post is this one from Weightless by way of Dr. Stacy who suggests this exercize:

“Recognize that your body is just one aspect of your appearance, your appearance just one aspect of who you are. Focus on everything else you are, everything else you have to offer. Make a list of 25 things you like about yourself.”

Most of the time, when people do these kind of exercises they focus on their “insides”–their personalities or achievements–which is a good start but really doesn’t begin to address body loathing. Who we are is all of our being, and that includes our bodies. Our bodies are not just vessels in which our selves are contained, our bodies ARE ourselves. We would not have life without our bodies. We would not have minds without a body, nor experiences, relationships, senses or thoughts without bodies. Any exercise in self-appreciation must include our bodies. But in this society we have inherited that schism in which we see our selves as comprised of disparate, weakly linked parts: the mind, the body, the soul. Our society teaches us to view our bodies as husks imprisoning us with weaknesses and hindering us with sin.

Anyway, I digress. The point I mean to make is that instead of listing 25 things I like about my “inside” self, I will include as much “outside” body-conscious things as I can think of.

I have a feeling this isn’t going to be easy. Like Jenna from Tough Love, there really isn’t a lot about my body that I like–and quite a bit more that I have been conditioned to dislike. Off the top of my head I can think of several things I hate about my body–most of which have to do with it’s shape and fatness–and not so easily do the things I like come to me. But here are some things I do like about the way I look.

1. The color of my hair.

2. My nose. Its a family nose, not cute or graceful or anything typically considered beautiful as far as noses go, but its a distinctive, and its my nose, and it fits my face. And marks me as my father’s child.

3. My waist.

4. My breasts. Sometimes I like them, sometimes I don’t. But they are the #1 thing that makes me obviously female. Because they are together one ginormous, monolithic rack of doom.

5. My back. Yeah I got some back fat, but the line of my spine down to the small of my back is sleek and sexy. My only regret is I can’t properlly show it off because of my harness-requiring rack of doom.

6. I like the full roundness of my bottom.

7. I have a relatively flat and soft belly.

8. My shoulders and my neck.

9. My smile, I don’t have “perfect” teeth, but I do fancy that I have a beautiful smile. And when I smile, as goofy as I sometimes feel, it changes my face to one that is not-bad-looking to one that is pretty.

10. I look good in well-fitted clothes

That is all I can think of, for my body. I tried hard to think of something I liked about my legs and my skin, as these are the parts of my body I dislike most, but nothing came to mind.

Now, moving on to the other parts of myself, which is easier, since I’ve alway liked my inner self:

11. My intelligence. Sometimes I feel brainless and slow, but I never forget that I am fairly intelligent woman

12. My bookishness. I love to read, and so much of what I know about myself, others, the world in general, and in the way I think and understand things, I learned from books. I know I am a better person for that.

13. I am creative.

14. I rarely make the same mistake twice.

15. I am a conscientious person and I strive to be as compassionate and as ethical as I can be in my dealings with other people.

16. I am very even-tempered and slow to take offense.

17. I have a very curious mind (except in matters of math and sports).

18. I have a strong sense of my own mind. I am not easily swayed to change it, once I have decided on something. Which is why I am glad I am also…

19….flexible and readily consider all points of view as valid (not to be confused with correct.) I consider my options before making decisions.

20. I am not afraid of being wrong. If I make a mistake or an error in judgment, I will admit it, and make amends if need be.

21. I am very patient. Growing up deaf, I’ve learned to just watch and wait, for eventually all things become clear, and solutions to problems become manifest.

22. I am very observant and am constantly looking. When you can’t hear, you got to use your eyes to make up for it.

23. I am very introspective, and I think I understand my own sub- and un-consciousness more than most people understand themselves. It was that introspection that allowed me to cure my social phobia/anxiety on my own.

24.I like people and think the vast majority of folks are good people; no one is perfectly good all of the time, but most people are decent people most of the time. And I trust that people generally do not have cruel intentions.

25. I am very loyal, affectionate, and generous with those people I come to love.

I’m not sure that making this list has actually made me feel more confident and sexier. I certainly don’t think I can walk into a bar or club or a library and pick up a dude. All I can say is that I think I like myself a little better. I suppose thats enough for now.