I give up.

I’ve been “doing” WW for more than a year and I’m no lighter than I was when I started. Well, that’s not entirely true. I lost two pounds this past week so I’m officially 1 lb lighter than my original starting weight. Last month I was diagnosed with a gluten intolerance, as well as an intolerance to cane sugar. Couple that with dealing with my son’s multiple food allergies and intolerances and trying to stay on program and I feel like I’m thinking of food all the time. My whole life revolves around food. I go to the grocery store nearly every day. I’m obsessed with everything about food–acquisition, preparation, consumption. I feel as though I’m slowly going insane. Seriously, I do understand the notion that not thinking about food is why I ended up at WW to begin with, but I honestly can’t justify spending $42+/month on a membership that not only is not working but is also making me crazy. I know it’s not the program’s fault (or is it?), I am just program fatigued and since reading Susie Orbach’s book, a paradigm shift of sorts has occurred within me. I have accepted that I will never be as light as WW wants me to be (between 103 and 132 lbs). I’ve never been that tiny. Well, I think I was around a hundred lbs in third grade. But I don’t see myself, at nearly forty, ever being that size again. I want to make peace with myself and with food and right now, and I just don’t see how the WW program can fit into that process.

So here’s my simplfied plan: I will eat food, not too much, mostly plants. (One of my biggest issues with the WW program has always been its proliferation of what Michael Pollan calls “edible food-like substances”.) I will exercize for fun and pleasure rather than for punishment (for me this means more yoga and Wii Fit and I will let go of the idea that I will ever run a 5k). And I will accept my body, whatever size or shape it is.

Although, I’m not sure what this means for this blog.