Too Fat to Kill?

I found this story equal parts amusing and irritating.

HACKENSACK, N.J. (AP) — A man accused of running up and down a flight of stairs to kill a former son-in-law is offering a novel defense: At 5 feet 8 and 285 pounds, he was just too fat to have pulled it off.

An attorney for Edward Ates is making the case that his client wouldn’t have had the energy needed to fatally shoot Paul Duncsak, a 40-year-old pharmaceutical executive, from a perch on the staircase.

Lawyer Walter Lesnevich claims that Ates, 62 at the time of the 2006 killing, was in such bad physical shape that he couldn’t have pulled off the shooting or the fast getaway the killer made.

Lesnevich said his client’s weight has led to asthma, sleep apnea and other obesity-related ailments.

“You look at Ed and you don’t need to hear it from a doctor,” Lesnevich said.

Ok, how do I even begin to dissect this? Firstly, I am annoyed at the claim that he is “obviously unhealthy”, because, dudes, look!–DEATHFATZ!

I am also annoyed at the assumption that he was so DEATHFATZ that he couldn’t possibly have the physical ability to run up a flight of stairs, fire six shots, clean up, and run away in mere “minutes”, as if every obese person can’t possibly do such things.
After all, deathfatz are not only unhealthy, they are UNFIT too!

However, I am pretty amused at the weak case the DA has against the defendant. I don’t know about you, but if I were basing my arguments on flimsy circumstanstial evidence (cell phone records, computer forensics, and vaguely suspcious internet activity), I would be trying harder to discredit the defense’s defense. Though, come to think of it, just how can you prove to a jury born of an anti-fat culture that a fat man’s claims of deathfat-ill-health is really quite dubious? The DA probably doesn’t even know where to begin.

What I find even more amusing is that its very possible that this man is indeed too “unhealthy and unfit” to have committed this murder, but no one seems to have considered that it likely has absolutely nothing to do with his FAT.

And if someone does realize that, the defense attorney sure isn’t going to point that out!